I slept for twelve hours last night and am still tired. Today I bought myself some kitchen knives and some tapioca pudding. My mattress squeaks whenever I turn over, I don't know where I'm supposed to be tomorrow or at what time, and my room key still has not been given to me because workers at campus police misplaced it.

( Blah blah. )

Things I'm going to do when I get back down to school:

. Start going swimming as often as I can. Anyone with a college ID can swim for free at the YMCA during open swim hours, which is basically all day long. And the building is only a short walk away! Why have I not taken advantage of this sooner? (Also, swimming is really good for you, physically speaking.)

( Etc. )

Okay, I'm officially a stupid person because I never figured out that green bell peppers are unripe bell peppers. I was sitting there thinking, "Gee, I don't care for green ones but I like the other kinds." And then I read about them online and read the "they're unripe" tidbit and said, "Oh, duh."

The reason this makes me feel dumb is that I've seen red or orange or yellow ones that are partially green - you know, not entirely ripe. And I never made the connection, despite the fact that green peppers aren't as sweet or juicy. DUH, REBECCA. Well, maybe I'm being too hard on myself - or maybe not. You guys tell me - did you know this? Am I just dumb, or are we all equally under-informed?

Oh, and did you know that bell peppers can be white, purple, or even BLUE sometimes? Woooo! Cool.

Anyway. Why am I so tired when I slept forever? I don't like when my sleep schedule gets screwed up because it stops making sense. I'll probably go to bed early tonight. But I've been productive today! I've been cooking and cleaning and whatnot most of the day. Hooray for being productive. I even made an awesome dinner:




Shells-and-cheese from scratch, oh yes. It looks like slop, but it tastes sooooo good. The brown rice shells were left over from last night's dinner (more on that in a second). Then I found instructions on how to make a cheese sauce from butter, flour, milk, and the spices and cheeses of your choice. And then I diced up some veggies and put them in there. YUM. It's really, really good, I think. I can play with it to make the sauce even better, but jeez. Yum.

( It's a recipe! Kind of. )

Yum. But, so speaking of rice pasta, I just want to let you all know that I REALLY REALLY LIKE BROWN RICE PASTA SHELLS.

Cold. With sea salt.

Honestly, I am fully, fully sold on brown rice pasta in general. I'm "not supposed" to have wheat (that blood type diet guide thing), and now my dad's on the bandwagon too, so my mom said, "Hey, why not try some rice pasta spaghetti and rice pasta shells?"

Guys. SO GOOD. It's just like regular pasta, but somehow better. I have no idea what's better about it - maybe just because I know it's made from rice, and I like rice better than wheat anyway. I don't know. But I'm sold. It's delicious.

( Last night's pasta salad recipe: )


Now I'm going to digress and talk about the dream I had this morning. I wrote this when I woke up because I was completely baffled by this dream. Maybe it doesn't seem particularly unusual to anyone else - a pretty normal dream, with that dream-world weirdness - but I tell you... it was just... augh! The sense of violation of reality was so intense!

( Here's what I wrote this morning. )

You know, while I'm at it making the most desultory entry ever, perhaps I will plug in a few other mini-entries I wrote up over the past couple days but never posted.

( Here is a thing about women's clothing sizes. )

Joy. I have other things I could add, but I'm actually going to stop there because this entry is getting SO much longer than is necessary. I was going to bake a plum pie tonight, but I am beat. Ugh. Why so tired? I will drink my tea and then curl up with a book until I sleep.

Okay, I know I'm posting all the time these days, but seriously. GUYS.

I JUST REALIZED that I am going back to school for full-on directing "boot camp" in FOUR WEEKS, and I have not even begun to even think about starting the (incrediblydauntingandenormous) task of analyzing and prepping the play I'm supposed to be directing this year.

WELL I GUESS I HAVE THE NEXT MONTH BOOKED.



Oh, and pee ess, text messages really aren't cutting the mustard.

I just want everyone to know I am eating the best fried egg sandwich ever made. Buttered rye bread, soy cheese, fried egg with garlic and seat salt and basil, portabello mushrooms, and tomatoes.

SO GOOD.

Why does this exist? WHY?

Also, if it's drawn in North America by Americans, HI IT'S NOT MANGA. Jeez-oh-pete. I'm not heavily into comics, but I think American comics have a really lovely history and tradition and some super-cool styles. So does manga, but leeching another culture's style just because you think it's "trendy" is annoying. I rarely like American-made cartoons or comics which mimic anime and manga because the vast majority of the time they just don't work. There's a huge difference in the cultures' artistic traditions and standards, and usually the American ones just look like unsuccessful knock-offs made to cash in on a trend.


Also. Shakespeare? As incredibly heavily-abridged manga? With Hamlet as a bishounen?



Twitch.

And the Romeo & Juliet preview made me want to cry.

I have like six kerjillion things to write and share. Such as:
. My ongoing quest to find "my" perfect chocolate chip cookie recipe
. My new system of to-do lists
. That Peter what's-his-face guy who helped me pull myself up by my bootstraps
. Blah blah blah I am materialistic but seriously I am all atwitter about my new Japanese parasol
. Finally making headway in the Ender saga
. Attempted ADIMLs that I never post
. Rearranging my room
. Buckley's cough medicine
. My anorexic cat
. ROOOOOETHKE
. The cake I made for Independence Day (who calls it Independence Day anymore? FOURTH OF JULY whatever)
. And much, much more!

Like I said: a KERJILLION.


Also, I had a phone conversation last night with the Miss Prism to my Cecily. Hot dog! We're going to have a rug and pretty things on our walls and indirect lighting and neither of us will ever turn the thermostat up to ninety and leave it there when we go to class! Being roommates is going to rock rock on.

Also I need to consider my goals and ambitions for the coming semester. One that I will share now: cook and bake more often! This is probably a stupid goal because cooking and baking means I have to buy more stuff which costs money I probably won't have. Nonetheless, it makes me so happy when I go to class bearing a plateful of brownies or cookies or something and people go "TREAT!" and get all excited and silly, or when I surprise gatherings of friends with a cake or something. P.S., this hardly ever happens because I am lazy and frequently have not the funds, either. But it's so much fun. I like to use making-food-for-people as a love language.

Oh wait. Danimal is diabetic now.

I WILL LOOK INTO DIABETES-FRIENDLY TREATS.

Problem solved.


Anyway. I will write more about those kerjillion things when I collect my thoughts (and images and whatnot) more successfully. Now I am going to brush my teeth and take out my contact lenses and sit in bed switching around among The Outsiders and Roethke's poetry and Love is a Special Way of Feeling and Spiderwick's field guide until I either A) hear from B., B) send B. a message saying "Balhgsogf I miss your face you loser" if I don't hear from him*, or C) pass out asleep.


* Currently the beau is working at a summer camp several states away, and it is all tres sad because whereas we used to talk daily, now he only has time to call a couple times a week. But it's a Good Thing for him to do, and it's really not so bad as it could be, so I'm just counting down weeks (and spamming his inbox with messages every other day though I know he doesn't have time to check the Internets every day). This is probably good for me too, as I tend to be pathetically dependent on EVERYONE in my life, so surely I will learn from this. Whatever, I am saying stupid things, I'm going to go nest and read.


P.S. AUGH. I had that stupid "Pour some sugar on me" song stuck in my head all night, then it finally went away (actually changed to something else). But when I noticed that it had changed, I then thought about how it had changed, which of course brought the first song back. AUGH. Now they're battling for control of my brain. I vote for the "my deja vu" whatever song, and I am far too lazy to look up which accents go where in deja vu (I always forget), so I shan't use any at all.

Everything is starting to fall into place.

It's been so long since I last felt this magnificent and this excited about life.

Sometimes the Internet can provide all sorts of delights. Here are some I particularly enjoy and would like to recommend, as I can think of a person on my friendslist or two (or three or four...) for each of the items herein.


Clio Chiang
This lady has been one of my favorite artists-with-a-website for a few years now. Her sketchblog delights me right down to my toes.


jenwang.net
Jen Wang draws really lovely things.


katebeaton.com
Proof that Canada is not as boring as we United Statesers like to say it is. Kate Beaton is pretty dang cool, I think, and she draws comics that are pretty dang funny or thoughtful or whatever. Of special delight are her historically-themed comics. I spent two days straight reading everything on her website, and friends, I truly did laugh out loud many, many times. This may be due to the fact that I seem to share Ms. Beaton's sense of humor quite perfectly. I think it's all in the punctuation, really.


( More things in a vaguely topical order. )


Wow, that turned out WAY longer than I meant it to be. (I was originally only going to post five or six things.) And I'm up WAY later than I meant to be awake. It is so beyond bedtime.

Guys.

We're halfway through 2008.




HOW DOES TIME PASS SO QUICKLY?

Pet Peeve #36: When people, while typing, draw out a word using silent letters.

Example: "I loveeeeeee it!"


No. You "loooooove" it. You could even "lovvvvvvve" if if you really wanted to, but "loveeeeeee" is the same as "love" because the "e" is silent.




Sorry if anyone on my f-list does this. I don't mean to offend. It just really bunches my knickers.

I think I'm becoming addicted to Alter Ego.

So far I've played a woman, making choices that I think I myself would make (except while I'd like to get married, she never did, I think because I waited longer before marriage than the game really requires), and then as a man who was a complete scamp as a child but grew up to be a pretty cool old dude.

It is FASCINATING.


I think next I will be a girl who lives fast and dangerously. I wonder how young she'll die?



P.S. I have like five icons because my paid account expired. Must renew that.

A soapbox thought (not directed at anyone who reads this journal): When someone posts (or in the real world, says) something concerning their beliefs about a certain deity or deities, it's really disgustingly rude to reply with something to the effect of, "Why worry about what an imaginary being thinks?" and then give generic advice.

Aaaaaaand [/soapbox].


Anywhichway. First day of work today. JOY. I walked there and back, which was lovely, except now my left shin and ankle ache a lot. (Forty-five minutes each way, but mostly along residential streets, so I don't mind. And starting Friday I shan't have to walk every day, so tra la la.) I probably made six million mistakes with classifying calls today and accidentally canceled out of transferred calls at least three times, but since our training leader told us one of our goals was to make mistakes, I guess I did what I was supposed to do.

I also made two sales. Hoo, rah.


To an entirely different topic. Change gears!
My yoga instructor, Joy, once told our class about the Eat Right for Your Type diet ("diet" in the sense of what you generally eat, not a weight-loss plan). She and her family have been on it for years, and she and her daughter (who was also in the class) both said it's a great dietary guideline. It gets critcism for apparently not being one hundred percent scientifically sound - but it recommends eating healthily in ways nobody can argue with (encouraging more natural foods, steering away from processed things, blah blah blah); and anyway it's not like it'll hurt to try it. So since I found out recently that I'm type O (donating blood, in addition to helping others, finally tells me my blood type, ha!), I decided I'd like to give it a whirl.

Oh friends. It is sad. I'm not supposed to have so many things. Granted there are a lot of things I like that I can and should have, but ah! I will miss certain things. And since I'm not supposed to have wheat, that'll be interesting, since EVERYTHING has wheat. It breaks it down into foods which are neutral for your type - you can have them, but their benefits are simply the nutrients inherent in the food - foods which are beneficial for your type - you metabolize them especially well, they may help prevent diseases thought to be common to your blood type, etc. - or foods which are to be avoided for your type - they cause some level of agglutination, don't digest as well, have a high probability of parasites or mold, etc.

( Short sampling of things I like and whether I can have them or not: )

The results seem to be: I can't have any dairy (although I will continue to eat yogurt anyway because it's one of the only sources of certain good things) or most grains except rice, rye, and less common things like millet and quinoa. Certain meats are fine, a wide variety of fruits and veggies are fine, most spices and herbs are fine. Very few sweeteners are okay, so I should apparently avoid sweets.

Of course, I always take these kinds of things with a grain of salt. However, I'm going to cross the blood type diet recommendations with the World's Healthiest Foods list (which provides a database of foods which are the most nutrient-dense), then attempting to follow these guidelines for awhile. If I feel good, I'll stick with it. If it doesn't seem to make much difference, I'll do whatever. Tra la.

Golly gee. I've been trying to give up pork for awhile, but it's so easy to cave in. Crab, cheese, chickpeas (HUMMUS), olives, cucumbers, peanut butter, pickles... sigh. Oh, and the no-soy thing is tres sad. I like soy products. But if it does prove to make me a happier, healthier little body - well, I suppose it'll be worth it. We'll see in a few months.

B: It's like Han said to Leia.
Me: What?
B: Well you've seen the movie now, so you get that reference.
Me: No, no, I didn't hear what you said.
B: Oh. "It's like Han said to Leia."
Me: Oh... I thought you said "I'm going to..." something.
B: ... Wow. You don't hear things very well lately.
Me: I know, I know, I'm like the best at hearing. I should be in hearing competitions. I would win every prize.
[Insert significant pause]
B: That's probably the most idiotic thing I've heard come out of your mouth.
Me: Really? I thought it was funny.
[Pause]
Me: That makes it even worse, doesn't it?
B: ... Yeah.

So on Tuesday and Wednesday I visited Brian and had many funtimes:
. Seeing the first two Star Wars movies, as I have never seen Star Wars (for shame, I know).
. Getting to sleep IN A BED (well, on an air mattress on the floor, but close enough). I've been sleeping on the couch at home for two weeks and will for two weeks more, so it was pretty fab (although absolutely freezing there in his sister's room, for whatever reason).
. Spending a whole day with Sara My Fabulous Creature of Dreams, which included the next item,
. Sampling "Hot Pepper Berry Patch Jam." Her mom put this stuff on top of cream cheese and we ate it with crackers. It was berry jam, but spicy. And it was surprisingly delicious.
. Something else that I forget. Oh! I had Chipotle for the first time. It isn't incredibly wonderful Mexican (as some people make it out to be) - but then, I'm picky about what I consider good Mexican. It was quite yummy, though. However it was enormous. I had a vegetarian burrito, and I think they feel bad for you when you don't order meat or something because it was gi-nor-mous.


Anyway. I am a useless waste of space and resources who does nothing but sit around reading and piddling away time on the Interwebs all day long, then cries all morning because she misses people and things. Whee, I am pathetic. I start work next Tuesday and am beginning to dread it because it means actually interacting with people in a focused environment, and heaven knows I don't even know how to do that anymore. (See: the last month of the semester.) Whee.

But I'm reading David Copperfield and am at present drinking a home-made Orange Julius made for me by my sister's boyfriend, hoo-rah. And I may get to see dear old friends from here (I almost never see my friends here, la la la I have no social life) on Saturday. And I start work Tuesday and that will be good for me. Perhaps then I will have things to occupy me and I can stop feeling so mopey when really, I have absolutely nothing to mope about except boo-hoo I miss people, and that's everyone's lot so I should be quiet.

La la la. I am going to go watch my sister give the kitties treats because it's like flies swarming a rotting carcass.


I'll let you savor that imagery.

I know Theodore Roethke is not the Greatest Poet Evah. Other wordsmiths make the top of my head come off more. But really. Really. How can this not make any romantical heart all melty?


THE DREAM

1
I met her as a blossom on a stem
Before she ever breathed, and in that dream
The mind remembers from a deeper sleep:
Eye learned from eye, cold lip from sensual lip.
My dream divided on a point of fire;
Light hardened on the water where we were;
A bird sang low; the moonlight sifted in;
The water rippled, and she rippled on.

( But wait, there's more! )

I am so anxious. So anxious. For some reason I woke up at a quarter to seven this morning and could not fall back asleep and so have been up since then and am still not one hundred percent awake because I didn't get into bed until midnight last night - BREATHE. And I have showered and dressed and opened the window-curtains and all, but I still feel like I just rolled out of bed.

I have to call that business publications place at nine o'clock to find out if I'm employed.

ANXIOUS.

The interview yesterday went well, though. I think. I hope. Except at the end when I had to fill out a personality quiz/evaluation/whatever. It consisted of many groups of four adjectives, and of the four in each group you had to mark which was most like you and which was least like you.

Some of my "most likes": sweet, good-natured, loyal, agreeable, open-minded, sympathetic, precise, generous, considerate, obedient, respectful, adaptable, trusting, receptive.
Some of my "least likes": dogged, convincing, bold, will-power, assertive, pioneering, argumentative, good mixer, decisive, outspoken.

GEE, which set do you think is more like a person who calls busy executives and sells them newsletters?

I don't know. Maybe I worry too much. One of the groups though - augh! The wordlist was "brave, inspiring, submissive, timid." It took me forever to figure out how to mark it. A year ago I would have definitely marked timid or submissive as most, brave as least. But now I'm not so sure.

I ended up saying most inspiring, least brave, which made me feel like a conceited liar. But I have my reasons.


DEAR SWEET MERCY it's time to call them.


...

...

...

... I have a job. Thank the good Lord I have a job.

SCREAM.




I really hope I don't suck.


Also, B. is coming to visit today. Fwee! ♥

I do not want to go to an interview and pretend that I know how to talk to people because I do not know how to talk to people. All I know how to do is, when asked a question, sit there for three minutes solid while collecting my thoughts before I speak, and that does not do when one is applying for a job based largely on communications. I would rather sit at home all summer, rotting and becoming depressed and continuing to wallow in the patheticness of having less than one dollar in my bank account, than go to this interview that will most likely be a disaster because I cannot think and speak as quickly as people in the real world want you to think and speak.

Bless it! I'm done. I shall hop trains westward and join a gypsy caravan and never bathe again or worry about things like job interviews.

Yesterday I found a job in the classifieds, called them all on my own like a grown-up person, and scheduled an interview for tomorrow afternoon (to which my mother will drive me, har). Right now I'm making my resume.

Imagine! I'm seeking a job that actually requires a resume! I am moving up in the world.

But yes, it's some kind of customer service/receptionist/sales something job at a business publications place. I don't even know. But it's a real-person 9-5 weekdays job at which I can get anywhere from 30-40 hours a week, hoo-rah. I like that: daytime hours, no week-ends... I can dig it. It will make me feel more useful and less like I'm a complete waste of space and resources. I have about twenty-eight cents in my checking account (for once I am not using hyperbole - I literally have less than a dollar), and my best activities are sleeping, spilling tea on myself, and making faces at the cats. A normal-person job (and not soul-sucking retail or fast food) might make me feel slightly better about myself.

Of course, a job that centers on talking to people over the phone might also suck my soul. But I doubt it will make me mope and anguish and weep and turn into Insomniac Jane like Arby's did, so that's a plus.

Also I might get to see B. this Friday. Nothing is confirmed, and with my luck it won't go through, but it's a possibility. As I told him last night while we talked on the phone as I sat in a tree, I am crossing my fingers. (But if it falls through, I shan't crumble - I wasn't expecting to get to see him so soon anyway.)

La la la. I have to finish a resume. I'm so glad I did that work over winter break where I called prospective students and gave them info on the theatre department and tried to convince them to come to our school. I think that's kind of what this job I'm applying for is like. Go me!